Who Am I?

The quest to find oneself is a never ending one, I guess. Almost 99 percent  of people ont he planet everyday thinks of the same question. Who am I? And then they try to answer this question with their profound logics and beliefs. " I am what I am", "I am cool, I a hot. I am everything you are not." and what-not. Yours truly also sometime thinks of this question and comes out with a different answer every time (kinda improvising). Earlier I was with the no stereotype attitude. Then I picked up the unique/different tag. This time when this question hit me I sat down to some serious thinking. The analysis took the bottom-up/ top-down/ lateral/ any other/etc. approach to get to the base of this question. And then I started seeing myself with everybody else's eyes. Bingo!

I am a different person now. Every changing second. Let me give you an example. People generally end up saying that I am very comfortable with him/her. I can be me with them. And I think, what are you at times when you are not you? Someone else? I don't know. I cannot think of anyone else whose role I might be playing when I am not me. I ought to be me. But not as I know me, as you know me. Getting the point?

It's people or the surrounding what makes you different everytime. When we are with comfortable with people/situations of our choice we say we are being ourselves. But as they turn adverse we deny to own our character.

I think I am what you think I am.

When you thought I am a friend, I was.
When you thought I am happy, I became.
When you said I am no good, I worsen.
When you said I am the best, I was better.

I was quite when you wanted me to.
I was there when you needed a support.
I left when you thought I would.
I came back just when you thought I should.

All I am saying is whatever you were expecting from me consciously/sub-consciously I was turning in to one. If you think this is not the case with anyone else. It's time for a reality check. No matter what you do, people will always think what they want to think. But, its only the half way through. Coz

You will only know what I wanted to show.

Will explore that aspect in the next blog.. :P

That's how I did it!!

My first last-day-email of my first and last company JJJJJJJJJJ

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from	Vivek Rungta
to		TechM BBNMS LS
cc		"jusliketht@gmail.com"
date		Fri, Jan 7, 2011 at 7:55 PM
subject		Another one.....

……bites the dust!!!!

Today I settle my accounts with Tech M for the one last time. Here I am sending a last mail(customary) summing up my last 3.5 years ( with all mixed feelings).

This place has given me a lot more than what it has taken from me ( I am serious). I will always cherish the transformation it brought in me. Thanks to the wonderful people I met here.

You did make a difference in my life ( even if it’s small, it counts :P). You backed me up sometimes. And let me down too. We together had pulled out impossible things in stringent timelines. And we did nothing for days, sometimes :P (jk). I have seen people doing things I would never imagine ( in good and sometimes even in bad sense), but that’s how we do things here, isn’t it?

I just don’t want this mail to be a medium to vent out my emotions, but then I won’t get another chance. I here take my chance to be candid. (righteous!)

I started with an awesome batch as my ITP mates. I still remember each day afresh. Everything we did was a celebration. I got introduced to CS, we had parties, we had classroom fun. Thanks to the trainers. Everyday inside this company was a learning experience. Few were too harsh. Sometimes efforts go unrecognized and would hurt like hell. But, sometimes small words of appreciation from your side made my entire day (even weeks….:D).

I believe that it is hard to live without a social life. I used to say- I am not here to make friends. I thought good people cannot do bad things to you. I thought your hard work would always pay, no matter what. Thanks for proving me wrong guys. I still got my self-respect intact after these many years inside an IT organization only because of the guys I met here. ( As they said people in IT are unethical, sometimes.. lolz)

The only thing I was worried about when I started this journey was I should not regret it on a day like today. Have I made it large? is the question I ask myself everyday.

I might have hurt you, been rude/non-cooperative/immune towards your expectations and what-not’s. But everything inside the office is purely business and nothing’s personal. I had my part of learning with equal fun. Today I walk out with no grudges to hold but only memories to cherish.

Always stand for what you believe in life, even it means standing alone. Believe me it will get you a good night’s sleep.

And be sincere in your life, not serious ( you won’t get out alive, anyways)

I hope the change bring all the good things in our lives.

You can always get back to me (I would really love that) at:

My personal email id : jusliketht@gmail.com

I would really love to work with you (well, some for sure) in future. May our paths cross soon.

Adios till we meet again….

Godspeed,

Vivek Rungta

For my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority itself!!

p.s. : Assuming that you are immune to the little irrelevance in the context of this mail to you, you would do selective reading.

p.p.s. : You might be flattered or offended by the content of this mail, but I cannot be more unbiased.

p.p.p.s. : The reason I have not mentioned your name explicitly in this mail because you will understand. This mail has reached you after all, isn’t it? You mean a lot to me.

p.p.p.p.s. :  I hope you had a great first week of the new year 2011. For the rest of the days here is me wishing you a Happy and healthy and wealthy new year 2011. May you get all you have ever deserved.

p.p.p.p.p.s. : If you are wondering why have you received this mail from me, for the simple reason that you might be a part of my group/project/friends or you might have sent me your Last day mail or may be  because I want you to read this email.

Thanks to ??? (a.k.a. - friend) for everything.. J

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What does it matter?

Life's changing so fast that I feel I am almost left behind.

But, what does it matter. Everyday you just become more immune to the surroundings, people around you get used to you, you get bored and then the quest begins. The search for the next big thing. In my life I do not know what I want. I have spent 95 percentage of my current age in looking for what I want ( only that I dint know it). Some day you just stop to look back at things and question, " is this what I wanted?". Obvious answer is NO. In my case it is "I don't know". Being born in a particular sunshine I am quite indecisive and confused most of the times. I think I love this girl and then someone else appears out of no where and captures my whole attention. I am not sure of anything when I go for shopping. I used to have a tough time in my last office while finalizing my lunch ( got few witnesses too). Then there are cases when I am not too sure of which option to chose. Probably that might have also affected my CAT results. Anyways, the point I want to make here is .. ? ( I don't know).

But, as soon as I realized that I have this immense talent of indecisiveness inside me, I have to somehow figure out a way to survive in the woods. I decided (:P) to embrace life with both hands. 'Come what may' is what I wear these days. I take every opportunity with both hands. I am completely open to what ever life has to offer me. I have simply quit making decisions. Howz that for a change?

Kool. Now I am kinda eased of. But then again when you come to think of it - What does it matter?